Funny Joke

HuskerNationNick

HuskerNationNick

New member
I got this joke from a co-worker today, thought it was hilarious.

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel ,

"Pick up your shovels, mount your asses on the camels, and I will lead

you to the Promised Land."



Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said,

"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this

is the Promised Land."



Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the

price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!



I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the

economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security, retirement

funds, etc .... I called a Suicide Hotline.



I had to press 1 for English.



I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.



They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.



Folks, we're totally screwed.
Click to expand...
 
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heard it before still good
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nother oldtimer :

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY

​


On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

 

'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

 

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me...'

 

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

 

'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!'

 

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

 

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

 

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord...?

 

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.​


At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done...

​



They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

 
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