Jokes

xkbubo

xkbubo

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Howdy lets all sit in a circle and share jokes just for laughs. I'll start it off

edit: how come the search function doesn't work now?

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HUSKER Q & A

Q: What do you call 2 millionaires sitting around a TV watching

the Big 12 Championship game?

A: The Nebraska Cornhusker coaching staff.

Q: What do the Nebraska coach Bill Callahan and Billy Graham have

in common?

A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus

Christ".

Q: How do you keep a Nebraska Cornhusker Coach out of your yard?

A: Put up goal posts, a first down marker, or an end zone.

Q: What do you call a current Nebraska Coach with a BCS National

Championship Bowl ring?

A: A thief.

Q: Why was Bill Callahan upset when the Nebraska Cornhusker play

book was stolen?

A: Because he hadn't finished coloring it.

Q: What's the difference between the Nebraska Cornhusker Coaching

Staff and a dollar bill?

A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the Nebraska Cornhusker Coaching Staff and possums have

in common?

A: Both play dead at home (and get killed on the road).

 
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:lol: that's a good one

I just heard the coaches just showed the team a new play. I actually have proof

look

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Steve Pederson, Bill Callahan, & Kevin Cosgrove

 
A woman walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding. "Of course, madam," replied the sales clerk, "exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?" The bride to be said: "A long frilly white dress with a veil." The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, "Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married for the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?" "Well," replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness,"I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again."

"What about your third husband?" asked the sales clerk.

"That one was a Nebraska Football Coach," said the woman, "and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened."

 
I'd forgot about this...1954

(Even older than my Brother)

What it was was Football

What It Was, Was Football
griffithand.jpg


It was back last October, I believe it was. We was a-goin’ t’ hold

a tent service in this college town.

And we got thar about dinnertime on Saturday And different ones

of us thought we ought to get us a mouthful to eat before

that we set up the tent.

And so, we got down off of the truck and followed this little bunch of

people through this small little bitty patch of woods.

And we come up on a big sign, says “Get somethin’ to eat here!”

And I went up and got me two hot dogs and a big Orange drink.

And before I could take ary mouthful of that food this whole raft of

people come up around me

and got me to where I couldn’t eat nothin’ up like—

and I dropped my big Orange drink. I did!

Well friends, they commenced to move and they wasn’t so much

I could do except to move with ‘em.

Well, we commenced to go through all kinds of doors and gates

and I don’t know what all, and I looked up over one of ‘em

and it says “North Gate”, and we kept on a-goin’ through there,

and pretty soon we come up on a young boy.

And he says “Ticket, please…” And I says “Friend, I don’t have a ticket.

I don’t even know where it is that I’m a-goin’.” I did!

Well he says “Come out as quick as you can.”

And I says “I’ll do ‘er—I’ll turn around the first chance I get.”

Well, we kept on a-movin’ through there and pretty soon everyone

got where it was that they was a’goin’ because they parted

and I could see pretty good. I could!

And what I seen was this whole raft a people a-settin’ on these

two banks and a-lookin’ at one another acrosst this purty little

green cow pasture! Well, they was! And somebody had took

and drawed white lines all over it and drove posts in it and

I don’t know what all! And I looked down there and I seen

five or six convicts a-runnin’ up and down and a-blowin’ whistles!

They was!

And then I looked down there and I seen these pretty girls

a-wearin’ these little bitty short dresses and a-dancin’ around,

an’ so I set down and thought I’d see what it was that was

a-gonna happen. I did!

And about the time I got set down good, I looked down there

and I seen thirty or forty men come a-runnin’ out of one end

of a great big outhouse down there! They did!

An’ everybody where I was a-settin’ got up and hollered!

And about that time thirty or forty come a-runnin out of the

other end of that outhouse and the other bank full—

THEY got up and hollered!

An’ I asked this feller that was a-settin’ beside me, I says

“Friend, what is it that they’re a-hollerin’ for?”

Well he whopped me on the back and he says

“Buddy, have a drink!”

Well, I says “I believe I will have another big Orange.”

An’ I got it and set back down.

An’ when I got back down there again, I seen that them men

had got in two little bitty bunches down there.

They had—real close together--and they voted! They did!

They voted and elected one man apiece.

And them two men come out in the middle of that cow pasture

and shook hands like they hadn’t seen one another in a long time.

And then a convict come over to where they was a-standin’ an’ he

took out a quarter and they commenced to odd-man right there!

They did!

Well, after a while I seen what it was that they was a-odd-mannin’ for.

It was that both bunches-full of them men wanted this funny-lookin’

little punkin to play with! They did, and I know friends that they

couldn’t-a eat it ‘ cause they kicked it the whole evenin’

and it never busted!

But anyhow what I was a-tellin’ was that both bunches-full wanted

that thang and one bunch got it an’ it made the other bunch

just as mad as they could be and friends I seen that evenin’

the awfullest fight that I’d ever seen in my life!

I did! They would run at one another and kick one another

and throw one another down and stomp on one another

and grind their feet in one another and I don’t know what all!

And just as fast as one would get hurt they’d tote him off

and run another’n on!

Well, they done that as long as I set there but pretty soon

this boy that had said “Ticket please…” he come up to me and

he says “Friend, you’re gonna have to leave because it is that

you don’t have a ticket.” And I says “Well, alright…” an’ I got up

an’ left. An’ I don’t know, friends, until this day what it was that they

was a-doin’ down there, but I have studied about it, and I think it’s

some kindly of a contest where they see which bunch-full of them

men can take that punkin an’ run from one end of that cow pasture

to the other’n without either gettin’ knocked down—

‘er steppin’ in somethin’ !
Click to expand...
 
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