Relationship: Open or Closed?

The King

The King

New member
I've seen a bit of stuff lately around here on the topic of cheating in a relationship. Out of curiosity, what is everyones thoughts on open relationship? Pursue one or not? Etc.

Being a young dude, I've always kind of wondered why it wasn't appealing to many other people. It seems like a lot of relationships end over that aspect. I just wanted to gather the pulse of HB on the topic. Is it something that is seemingly growing in acceptance? Ever been in one? Would you be interested, why/why not? etc.

I would love to offer my opinion on this - but I don't think I have the life experiences that would make it worthwhile.

-Mods feel free to move wherever; not sure how this thread will turn out-

 
I would never consider something like that personally. But then again, I've never had the intentions with women other than trying to establish a meaningful, caring relationship in search of the one that I will someday marry. JMO.

And I guess I'm pretty old-fashioned on this. I don't especially condone others to do this either. I just don't really see how someone could get fulfillment from a relationship like that.

 
Why would you enter into such a "relationship"? If you want to keep it causal, keep it casual. If you want an exclusive, "meaningful" relationship, get in one. If someone only wants to go half way, move on. Somebody is gonna go nuts eventually, and if it's you, you look like a dweeb. Don't look like a dweeb.

NOTE: I understand that this question probably isn't for you personally, but in general.

 
HuskerShark said:
I would never consider something like that personally. But then again, I've never had the intentions with women other than trying to establish a meaningful, caring relationship in search of the one that I will someday marry. JMO.

And I guess I'm pretty old-fashioned on this. I don't especially condone others to do this either. I just don't really see how someone could get fulfillment from a relationship like that.
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I see. Some people think that it is in mans nature to be polygamous, though. If that is the cause, are we evolving to restrain ourselves, or is it society telling us that it is wrong and that we must not behave that way?

Is it possible to have the bond you describe (in bold) while having meaningless, carefree, sexual relations with another person? Is it possible that the one you care for and may eventually want to marry, has a different sex drive than yourself, thus causing a strain in that particular part of the relationship - which could cause it to end?

I should also say that I have no real feelings for this one way or another, but it is something I've looked into just out of sheer curiosity - athletes, celebrities, especially.

 
Creighton Duke said:
Why would you enter into such a "relationship"? If you want to keep it causal, keep it casual. If you want an exclusive, "meaningful" relationship, get in one. If someone only wants to go half way, move on. Somebody is gonna go nuts eventually, and if it's you, you look like a dweeb. Don't look like a dweeb.

NOTE: I understand that this question probably isn't for you personally, but in general.
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Say that you've found the woman of your dreams, you could eventually see yourself marrying her, she is perfect, blah blah blah, she means a lot you, etc. but she sucks in bed and/or doesn't have the same sexual desires as yourself. You want to release that energy in another method - an outside source. Instead of cheating on her and risk destroying your relationship and family with the one you love, you could seek this from elsewhere in a perfectly acceptable way. Have a serious relationship with the one you care about and the ability to be somewhat promiscuous outside of that relationship.

I also broached this because I was curious if it got rid of some peoples want to sleep around outside of their marriage/relationship for something new. As I'm sure some people have heard, men want what they can't have. So, if we're given permission to do such a thing - does it reduce the desire for some men to be this way?

As a disclaimer, I'm in the traditional relationship - not an open one. Just thought it could be interesting discussion - for those willing to share. I am aware it is rather personal.

 
Landlord of Memorial Stadium said:
Human hearts are not wired that way.
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Sorry for three posts, in a row now, but I have to ask - how do you know? I've heard plenty of stories for and against open relationships - some successful, some not. I tend to agree with you that someone is most likely to gain feelings for the other over an extended period of time - but maybe you can switch your "outside" partner up every so often, end it after X amount of time, etc?

 
The King said:
Landlord of Memorial Stadium said:
Human hearts are not wired that way.
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Sorry for three posts, in a row now, but I have to ask - how do you know? I've heard plenty of stories for and against open relationships - some successful, some not. I tend to agree with you that someone is most likely to gain feelings for the other over an extended period of time - but maybe you can switch your "outside" partner up every so often, end it after X amount of time, etc?
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Have you ever really listened to someone in favor of an 'open' relationship? It always comes across to me as very selfish, or fearing of commitment.

Maybe it works for a very small portion of people, but for nearly everyone, its just a bad idea

If you have HBO, check out the documentary Americans in Bed, its right along the lines of this thread.

 
Landlord of Memorial Stadium said:
The King said:
Sorry for three posts, in a row now, but I have to ask - how do you know?
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The simple answer is that Scripture tells me so and my own heart affirms it to be true, along with how I see other people's.

The longer answer I'm too lazy to type out at the moment.
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Whoops, I forgot to mention the religion aspect in the OP. My bad. That was another aspect that I was curious about. Maybe it intrigues some people - but religion says no, or they are not interested because that is not what God would want.

 
strigori said:
The King said:
Landlord of Memorial Stadium said:
Human hearts are not wired that way.
Click to expand...
Sorry for three posts, in a row now, but I have to ask - how do you know? I've heard plenty of stories for and against open relationships - some successful, some not. I tend to agree with you that someone is most likely to gain feelings for the other over an extended period of time - but maybe you can switch your "outside" partner up every so often, end it after X amount of time, etc?
Click to expand...
Have you ever really listened to someone in favor of an 'open' relationship? It always comes across to me as very selfish, or fearing of commitment.

Maybe it works for a very small portion of people, but for nearly everyone, its just a bad idea

If you have HBO, check out the documentary Americans in Bed, its right along the lines of this thread.
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I have. Actually one of my good friends is in an open relationship - and it didn't become an open relationship until about half way through when they realized that they had very different sexual needs, but enjoyed the act with each other & each others presence. He simply asked if they could have an open relationship - if yes great - if no, that is fine as well. I believe it takes a very secure person to do this, which clearly is not everyone. I've also seen them fail miserably, because someone gets jealous or what not.

I think it may be fear of committing to someone who has a much different sexual appetite then yourself - but not commitment in general. It may be selfish, but I think that is another topic because there are quite a few things that people do are selfish prior to and even within a relationship.

I think one of the biggest cons is probably, what if you want/or do start a family? How does that work? Oh, hunny, Dad is just going to see the Nurse? That can't be a good family environment, but I haven't experienced it so I wouldn't know. A lot of husbands cheat on their wives without them knowing (or the other way around), so I don't know.

 
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