Fox News Scandals

[teachercd]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

That being said, this is a stupid a$$ place to discuss this. A new topic should have been made as soon as teach asked his question.

O'Reilly didn't just rub someone's back.

The touchy-feely co-worker...that is sort of what I had.

 

[knapplc]

[No message]

 

[Mierin]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

So Moraine - does it make you uncomfortable because it's inappropriate, or uncomfortable because others might think you are gay? (or maybe uncomfortable because there are rules about dating coworkers)?
For the record - I am pretty expressive and work with mostly analytical people and I've had to totally become aware of my gestures and touching them when talking. It's interesting and humbling to realize that a basic instinct for some (me touching an arm or giving a play punch when I tell a joke or something - to women or men) makes people uncomfortable. Theres' no doubt when I do it that I've overstepped. Kinda like when you're in line at the boarding gate an an airport in a foreign country and everybody stands waaaaaaaay too close to you - makes you realize how important personal space is to us in the US, and how little it means to others.

It makes me uncomfortable because I would be annoyed if other people did it all the time around me. It's kind of a "get a room" situation, even though she doesn't mean it sexually and it doesn't bother me that she's doing it. For instance if we were hanging out I wouldn't care. On top of that she was also hitting me playfully quite a bit (multiple times a day and never to anyone else) and I don't want my co-workers to see me as childish.

 

[knapplc]

Thanks, Mods. :thumbs

 

[teachercd]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

So Moraine - does it make you uncomfortable because it's inappropriate, or uncomfortable because others might think you are gay? (or maybe uncomfortable because there are rules about dating coworkers)?
For the record - I am pretty expressive and work with mostly analytical people and I've had to totally become aware of my gestures and touching them when talking. It's interesting and humbling to realize that a basic instinct for some (me touching an arm or giving a play punch when I tell a joke or something - to women or men) makes people uncomfortable. Theres' no doubt when I do it that I've overstepped. Kinda like when you're in line at the boarding gate an an airport in a foreign country and everybody stands waaaaaaaay too close to you - makes you realize how important personal space is to us in the US, and how little it means to others.

It makes me uncomfortable because I would be annoyed if other people did it all the time around me. It's kind of a "get a room" situation, even though she doesn't mean it sexually and it doesn't bother me that she's doing it. For instance if we were hanging out I wouldn't care. On top of that she was also hitting me playfully quite a bit and I don't want my co-workers to see me as childish.

What did you say to her to get her to cool it?

 

[ZRod]

He's not Hillary so it's fine.

 

[Mierin]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

So Moraine - does it make you uncomfortable because it's inappropriate, or uncomfortable because others might think you are gay? (or maybe uncomfortable because there are rules about dating coworkers)?
For the record - I am pretty expressive and work with mostly analytical people and I've had to totally become aware of my gestures and touching them when talking. It's interesting and humbling to realize that a basic instinct for some (me touching an arm or giving a play punch when I tell a joke or something - to women or men) makes people uncomfortable. Theres' no doubt when I do it that I've overstepped. Kinda like when you're in line at the boarding gate an an airport in a foreign country and everybody stands waaaaaaaay too close to you - makes you realize how important personal space is to us in the US, and how little it means to others.

It makes me uncomfortable because I would be annoyed if other people did it all the time around me. It's kind of a "get a room" situation, even though she doesn't mean it sexually and it doesn't bother me that she's doing it. For instance if we were hanging out I wouldn't care. On top of that she was also hitting me playfully quite a bit and I don't want my co-workers to see me as childish.

What did you say to her to get her to cool it?

I can't remember exactly how I worded it but I sent it in a text and she only seemed upset for 1 day, heh. I think I just told her I don't mind it but she probably shouldn't do it when we're at work.

 

[teachercd]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

So Moraine - does it make you uncomfortable because it's inappropriate, or uncomfortable because others might think you are gay? (or maybe uncomfortable because there are rules about dating coworkers)?
For the record - I am pretty expressive and work with mostly analytical people and I've had to totally become aware of my gestures and touching them when talking. It's interesting and humbling to realize that a basic instinct for some (me touching an arm or giving a play punch when I tell a joke or something - to women or men) makes people uncomfortable. Theres' no doubt when I do it that I've overstepped. Kinda like when you're in line at the boarding gate an an airport in a foreign country and everybody stands waaaaaaaay too close to you - makes you realize how important personal space is to us in the US, and how little it means to others.

It makes me uncomfortable because I would be annoyed if other people did it all the time around me. It's kind of a "get a room" situation, even though she doesn't mean it sexually and it doesn't bother me that she's doing it. For instance if we were hanging out I wouldn't care. On top of that she was also hitting me playfully quite a bit and I don't want my co-workers to see me as childish.

What did you say to her to get her to cool it?

I can't remember exactly how I worded it but I sent it in a text and she only seemed upset for 1 day, heh. I think I just told her I don't mind it but she probably shouldn't do it when we're at work.

It's always a touchy (pun intended) situation

 

[BigRedBuster]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

So Moraine - does it make you uncomfortable because it's inappropriate, or uncomfortable because others might think you are gay? (or maybe uncomfortable because there are rules about dating coworkers)?
For the record - I am pretty expressive and work with mostly analytical people and I've had to totally become aware of my gestures and touching them when talking. It's interesting and humbling to realize that a basic instinct for some (me touching an arm or giving a play punch when I tell a joke or something - to women or men) makes people uncomfortable. Theres' no doubt when I do it that I've overstepped. Kinda like when you're in line at the boarding gate an an airport in a foreign country and everybody stands waaaaaaaay too close to you - makes you realize how important personal space is to us in the US, and how little it means to others.

It makes me uncomfortable because I would be annoyed if other people did it all the time around me. It's kind of a "get a room" situation, even though she doesn't mean it sexually and it doesn't bother me that she's doing it. For instance if we were hanging out I wouldn't care. On top of that she was also hitting me playfully quite a bit and I don't want my co-workers to see me as childish.

What did you say to her to get her to cool it?

I can't remember exactly how I worded it but I sent it in a text and she only seemed upset for 1 day, heh. I think I just told her I don't mind it but she probably shouldn't do it when we're at work.

OK...just for future educational purposes.

If I were a guy who was inappropriately hitting on a woman at work and touching her and she told me that, I would think....."Hmmm...OK.....she doesn't want everyone at work to know but she really would like me to get together after work and.....touch....."

I know that's not how you meant it. But, if I were a lawyer defending the person and they showed me that text, that would be all over in the case showing that "you really don't mind it" (as long as it's not at work).

 

[NM11046]

For the record - opinion of one, but one who has been in many situations where I've had to have awkward conversations about awareness, where i've gone to HR and where i've "fought back":

• Harassment is a power move.
• Doesn't matter if it's a man and he has muscles or a woman who is 4'8'.
• Doesn't matter if someone is physically hurt or not.
• If someone makes you uncomfortable it's wrong. It may not be harassment - but it's wrong and it should be acknowledged.
• Assume the best in people. If it makes you uncomfortable tell the person. 9/10 they have no idea and will apologetically change their behavior - you're doing them a favor moving forward.
• Don't be vague in your accusation - be specific. "When you touched my back I felt awkward and I'd prefer that you not do that."
• Personally I wouldn't take someone telling me I looked "nice today" as harassment, unless they said it while licking their lips or grabbing their crotch.
• I wouldn't take someone saying "they'd introduce me to someone on a blind date" as harassment - that's just reaching.
• If you ever felt that bringing up your discomfort in a situation would result in retaliation of any sort that is harassment.
• If someone is a dope that does not make them a harasser.
• Men can harass men, women can harass women.
• Harassment is somewhat similar to porn in that (paraphrasing Jude Potter's words) "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it".
• If you've been harassed, there is very little doubt what is happening.
• There is no double standard on men or women being harassers or harassees' - it's one of the few issues that has no sexual preference.
• Often times odd comments made to you ("want a screw") make you aware of what and how you say things.
• Shouldn't matter if you are in mixed company or not - inappropriate comments are inappropriate.
• Number of people of one sex or another in a business organization does not make it more or less likely that you'll be harassed.

I can't get a read on whether some of you are joking around - so, I couldn't not type this out. It's serious and very real.

(apologies - spell check kept changing my harass conjugations - not sure that I caught them all)

Good post. But, my experience as a man, I would have to disagree with your last bullet point. That might be a different situation as a woman.

BRB - do you think it was "gang mentality" or that the hiring profile the leadership had, that allowed them to surround themselves with like minded thinkers? And that it continued due to leaderships' lack of discipline that allowed it to continue?

 

[GSG]

I've been somewhat surprised by some of the responses in this thread (although I've also been somewhat not surprised by other responses).

How many of you have mandatory sexual harassment training at your job?

We have an annual slideshow we have to read through and then pass a multiple choice test.

 

[Mierin]

I recently had to tell a female co-worker to stop touching me at work. She's straight but very cuddly. We're friends but I think since she's from a country where they tend to think being gay isn't a thing (China), it doesn't occur to her what other people might think. I wouldn't care too much if she did it in public away from work, but if I saw a male and female co-worker behaving like she does to me I'd find it annoying they're doing it at the office and I'd assume they're dating.

So Moraine - does it make you uncomfortable because it's inappropriate, or uncomfortable because others might think you are gay? (or maybe uncomfortable because there are rules about dating coworkers)?
For the record - I am pretty expressive and work with mostly analytical people and I've had to totally become aware of my gestures and touching them when talking. It's interesting and humbling to realize that a basic instinct for some (me touching an arm or giving a play punch when I tell a joke or something - to women or men) makes people uncomfortable. Theres' no doubt when I do it that I've overstepped. Kinda like when you're in line at the boarding gate an an airport in a foreign country and everybody stands waaaaaaaay too close to you - makes you realize how important personal space is to us in the US, and how little it means to others.

It makes me uncomfortable because I would be annoyed if other people did it all the time around me. It's kind of a "get a room" situation, even though she doesn't mean it sexually and it doesn't bother me that she's doing it. For instance if we were hanging out I wouldn't care. On top of that she was also hitting me playfully quite a bit and I don't want my co-workers to see me as childish.

What did you say to her to get her to cool it?

I can't remember exactly how I worded it but I sent it in a text and she only seemed upset for 1 day, heh. I think I just told her I don't mind it but she probably shouldn't do it when we're at work.

OK...just for future educational purposes.
If I were a guy who was inappropriately hitting on a woman at work and touching her and she told me that, I would think....."Hmmm...OK.....she doesn't want everyone at work to know but she really would like me to get together after work and.....touch....."

I know that's not how you meant it. But, if I were a lawyer defending the person and they showed me that text, that would be all over in the case showing that "you really don't mind it" (as long as it's not at work).

*shrug* like I said it really doesn't bother me, heh. I don't want to have sex with her but she can give me backrubs all she wants. Just not at work.

 

[teachercd]

I've been somewhat surprised by some of the responses in this thread (although I've also been somewhat not surprised by other responses).

How many of you have mandatory sexual harassment training at your job?

We have an annual slideshow we have to read through and then pass a multiple choice test.

Sort of...we do a safe environment training and have to watch creepy videos

 

[BigRedBuster]

For the record - opinion of one, but one who has been in many situations where I've had to have awkward conversations about awareness, where i've gone to HR and where i've "fought back":

• Harassment is a power move.
• Doesn't matter if it's a man and he has muscles or a woman who is 4'8'.
• Doesn't matter if someone is physically hurt or not.
• If someone makes you uncomfortable it's wrong. It may not be harassment - but it's wrong and it should be acknowledged.
• Assume the best in people. If it makes you uncomfortable tell the person. 9/10 they have no idea and will apologetically change their behavior - you're doing them a favor moving forward.
• Don't be vague in your accusation - be specific. "When you touched my back I felt awkward and I'd prefer that you not do that."
• Personally I wouldn't take someone telling me I looked "nice today" as harassment, unless they said it while licking their lips or grabbing their crotch.
• I wouldn't take someone saying "they'd introduce me to someone on a blind date" as harassment - that's just reaching.
• If you ever felt that bringing up your discomfort in a situation would result in retaliation of any sort that is harassment.
• If someone is a dope that does not make them a harasser.
• Men can harass men, women can harass women.
• Harassment is somewhat similar to porn in that (paraphrasing Jude Potter's words) "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it".
• If you've been harassed, there is very little doubt what is happening.
• There is no double standard on men or women being harassers or harassees' - it's one of the few issues that has no sexual preference.
• Often times odd comments made to you ("want a screw") make you aware of what and how you say things.
• Shouldn't matter if you are in mixed company or not - inappropriate comments are inappropriate.
• Number of people of one sex or another in a business organization does not make it more or less likely that you'll be harassed.

I can't get a read on whether some of you are joking around - so, I couldn't not type this out. It's serious and very real.

(apologies - spell check kept changing my harass conjugations - not sure that I caught them all)

Good post. But, my experience as a man, I would have to disagree with your last bullet point. That might be a different situation as a woman.

BRB - do you think it was "gang mentality" or that the hiring profile the leadership had, that allowed them to surround themselves with like minded thinkers? And that it continued due to leaderships' lack of discipline that allowed it to continue?

I don't know if it's just that facility I worked at or the general attitude in the industry. But, nurses (as an over generalization) tend to not get embarrassed about things and they can be very crude. They deal with people's bodies and bodily functions all day long. It lends itself to be an environment where a certain sense of humor exists that wouldn't be appropriate anywhere else.

However, the situations I found myself in were very much a "gang mentality" if that's the way you want to describe it. They basically felt comfortable saying whatever they wanted. Good lord...at one point, there were 18 women in my unit that were pregnant. They would sit around and talk about their pregnancies and their doctor's appointments in great detail like I wasn't even there. One nurse got married and she got a kick out of telling me all about the lingerie she was taking on her honeymoon. (in large part because she knew I was a horny college kid and thought it was funny) Another nurse was married to a farmer and she would talk about meeting her husband in the field for lunch and a nooner. Another was nicknamed Sleaza because she liked sex so much.

I will say, my wife greatly benefited from me working there once we were married and started having kids. I knew a lot more than the average joe.

I feel like I must say, it wasn't something I minded. In fact, when the above situation happened to me, I found it funny too. BUT...it made me think about if I were a different person in a different situation.

My point in all this is that it's not a situation where women are all innocent in the work place and only victims.

 

[NM11046]

Got it - Thanks BRB.

I'm in the medical field as well, and the level of detail one can get into over lunch is mind blowing to someone who isn't accustomed to it. It takes quite a bit to make me nauseous anymore.