No new jokes?!?!?

A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."

 
What do Notre Dame and Nebraska have in common?

They were both tied at kickoff.

What is the difference between Notre Dame and Nebraska?

Notre Dame won.

 
During the run up to the USC-NU game someone posted that with a name like "Booty" JD Booty should change his name. Well, I knew a guy named Joe Sh$t. He changed his name to "Bill" because he said he got sick and tired of people coming up to him asking him, "What do you know Joe?" ;)

 
Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red said:
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
Click to expand...
:clap I like this one.

 
KansasHusker said:
Drowning_in_the_Sea_of_Red said:
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.

"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.

He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.

"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."

The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.

"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.

"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"

"You left your wheelchair at the bar again."
Click to expand...
:clap I like this one.
Click to expand...
Yeah that's a good one. :clap

 
Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - Fireman, Truck Driver, Salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement immediately changed the subject and hurriedly set the other children to work on a coloring project. She then took Little Johnny aside and asked him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Johnny, "He's the defensive coordinator for the University of Nebraska. I was just too embarrassed to say that."

:clap :angry: :clap

I had very mixed emotions when I read this especially sence it came from a friend in Omaha. But..... I had to eventually laugh.

 
BigRedfxtoy said:
Little Johnny was in his 4th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - Fireman, Truck Driver, Salesman, etc. Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay bar and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really good, he'll go out to the alley with some guy for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by his statement immediately changed the subject and hurriedly set the other children to work on a coloring project. She then took Little Johnny aside and asked him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," said Johnny, "He's the defensive coordinator for the University of Nebraska. I was just too embarrassed to say that."

:clap :angry: :clap

I had very mixed emotions when I read this especially sence it came from a friend in Omaha. But..... I had to eventually laugh.
Click to expand...

At this point in time...I would be embarrassed to say that too!!! lol :rollin :rollin :rollin

 
Back
Top