Loved one passing away...

HuskerNationNick

HuskerNationNick

New member
I figured I would put this here, so I hope mods don't mind. I am not one who shares my feelings or business with the world, but I need to ask this, because I know some people on here have been through this. I figured putting it here, I would get more serious answers and it not get trolled.

Well here it is...

May 22nd my Grandmother passed away. She passed away from Stage 3 COPD. It wasn't easy watching my grandma die over the past year and a half little by little. The last month was the worse, she was in hospis. She is the one who raised me when I turned 13. My parents got into the drug world. Its been over a month since her passing and it hasn't gotten easier. My heart hasn't gotten any lighter and I constantly think about her. All the way to the last couple weeks of her life, we always talked about our issues. Basically we were eachother's rock, if that makes sense.

I am 28, have never faced a family death like this. I have had friends pass away, but its was nothing like this.

Does it ever get easier? How did/do you cope? I seem to have issues talking to people face to face, because a part of me doesn't think they understand. Kind of like when you break up with someone you know?

 
HuskerNationNick said:
Does it ever get easier? How did/do you cope? I seem to have issues talking to people face to face, because a part of me doesn't think they understand. Kind of like when you break up with someone you know?
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I'm sorry to hear that man. These things get easier as time passes. There is no magic bullet for coping, it's going to suck. Give yourself some time to have that pain and move on. Time will make it better eventually.

 
Just take it one day at a time man. I've lost 3 of my grandparents. They meant a lot to me but it was probably never on the level that you experienced. When my first grandfather passed there wasn't a day that went by for the first year or two that I wouldn't think about him, it was really hard on the entire family.

You're probably going to have some rougher days ahead and even when you think you've gotten through them something might bring it all back again, like a dream or a scent. Grieving is never easy but it's something we all go through in life, and people do understand even when you think they don't. You may have lost your loved one but don't lose those memories you have of them. Picturing my granddad in his garden, leaning on a hoe, is one of my fondest memories of him. It always brought a smile to my face when I was hurting. It'll get easier one day even if it seem like there's no light at the end of the tunnel. Every storm runs out of rain.

 
At first, it was like, "she is in a better place" and it didn't have a big impact on me. Now that time is passing, I pick up my phone to give her a call, even more-so on them rough days, and that's when it kind of hits me, that's not really possible. I am not going to go all religious, because there are people of different faiths, but I believe she is in Heaven looking down. Some people have told me it doesn't get easier, you just learn how to cope with it.

Thank you both very much for your advice, points of views and personal experiences.

ZRod, your first grandfather sounds like he had the impact my grandmother did on my family. She would have given anything to make sure you were happy.

 
It takes time and little by little it will get better. It has been 5 years since someone very special to me passed away and I still catch myself thinking about her and tearing up. It is very difficult on my bday because that is the day she passed away. Just think of all the great times you have had together and try to smile about it as much as possible.

 
My thoughts and prayers to out to you and your family, HuskerNationNick. The death of a loved one is a tough thing to go through. The ache will get better eventually. Time is your friend.

 
Don't cry because it is over.

Smile because it happened.

Your grandmother had an obviously profound impact on your life, and it's told by the immense feeling of pain that you're feeling in this moment. Losing a loved one is not easy to endure and you are bound to run into another person who has had to deal with the death of a loved one who is more than willing to listen to your story and share their own. Talking about it with another person or a group of people is extremely cathartic. You know you have many people here on this message board who would lend a helping hand.

 
Sincerely sorry for your loss. When you lose someone close to you like that it kind of consumes your day to day events. You tend to be half present in most situations and people can tell your mind is elsewhere. It stings, for a long time, Ive been there.

I lost my cousing when I was 16. That was 12 years ago. I still find myself thinking about him nearly every day. But as time passes the memories gradually turn from "Its not fair they arent here right now." To "Boy I wish they were here to see this."

It gets easier. Then that will make you sad, then that too gets easier. Time heals wounds but scars remain. When I was in that situation I was surrounded by people breaking down over my cousins untimely death. The only way to keep myself from breaking down was by being everybody elses rock. I stayed as strong as I could for him knowing full well thats what he wanted..hopefully you can do that for your grandma, honor her memory by remebering the good things she did during the time you spent with her.

 
It definitely consumes my day. I think its fair of her passing, as I couldn't stand to see her in pain. I guess its just that, feeling lost feeling that gets to me. She was seriously the only person I turned to when things weren't going right. My personal counselor actually lol. Its still crazy and seems unreal that she is gone. Like I know she is gone, but... I don't know how to explain it. I know you guys know what I mean.

Right now, myself and my uncle are everyone's rock. Its so hard, because I remain strong when talking to them, but deep down it hurts. I can see this with my uncle too. He is someone who doesn't talk about his feelings, but you can tell. He has a project truck we finished last year that he use to drive on a weekly basis. My grandma loved the truck, he drove it to the funeral, and its sat since. Been a month, but that's out of the norm. I will continue to be that rock my family needs, but I might need to find someone to talk to. I don't like to talk to my other half about stuff like this, because she has a lot going on as it is, with teaching and our little girl.

 
That's what your better half is there for though Nick. If you can just open up and let it all out to someone close to you, that loves you and you trust it can really help. From personal experience just letting it all out, the tears and emotion, can be like taking a huge weight off. It won't fix it and it's still going to hurt but you don't need to keep it bottled up forever. You could even try talking with your uncle and let him know you see and know what he's going through.

And I apologize for not saying it before, but my deepest condolences to you and your family.

 
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A person doesn't die until everybody they have touched dies...(Old Indian proverb...or something).

I lost my Dad about 6 weeks before I started UNL..then my big Brother my first week.

My Brother has been the hardest to get over..we were really close...I'd kind of tried to prepare myself for my parents eventually dying, but I had so many plans with my Brother that were never realized... Seeing a lot of him in my Son really helps sometimes.

 
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