Schmoozing

Mierin

Mierin

Donor
Not sure if I’m using quite the right word.

There’s a team I want to join at work, and I happened to be near the boss when we were walking to our cars. I made small talk with this person for like a straight 15 mins and I felt gross the whole time. I don’t like chit chatting in general but especially not with someone who I want something from. Makes me feel guilty. I also worry I’m annoying the crap out of the person or they see through me.

Maybe this is what it’s like to try to ask a woman out, except with lower stakes. (I know things aren’t as traditional now but I’m sure it’s still men more often who do the asking).

 
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I guess the advice I would give you if you were asking a girl out would try to be confident and direct.

Maybe applies here?  But also maybe bad advice . . .

 
When I think of "schmoozing" I picture a person whose job it is to wine, dine and entertain clients. That was basically my brothers job as a regional VP for a large insurance company and he made serious bank doing it. Of course it was for their largest clients (ie professional sports teams etc). Schmoozing can be very lucrative if you like it and are good at it. I would suck at it.

What you were doing sounds more like brown nosing  :lol: ....also not a strength of mine.

 
The Dude said:
I guess the advice I would give you if you were asking a girl out would try to be confident and direct.

Maybe applies here?  But also maybe bad advice . . .
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I think it kind of applies, heh. But now I'm gonna play hard to get for awhile.

JJ Husker said:
When I think of "schmoozing" I picture a person whose job it is to wine, dine and entertain clients. That was basically my brothers job as a regional VP for a large insurance company and he made serious bank doing it. Of course it was for their largest clients (ie professional sports teams etc). Schmoozing can be very lucrative if you like it and are good at it. I would suck at it.

What you were doing sounds more like brown nosing  :lol: ....also not a strength of mine.
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Ya kind of. I mean I wasn't sucking up to them as in giving compliments or anything. Just chatting when normally I'd stick to myself or just say "hey how's it going"

 
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Just think of it as posting and you are hoping for more +1's, trophies, haha-faces and smiley-faces and less frowny faces.  

Only...it is real life and clearly your advancement at your work depends on it...so you know...exactly the same level of importance.  

 
The Dude said:
I guess the advice I would give you if you were asking a girl out would try to be confident and direct.

Maybe applies here?  But also maybe bad advice . . .
Click to expand...
Ummmm..  No sending a note asking if you "likes you LIKES you"...no making fun of her first...no calling and hanging up when she answers...no driving by her house over and over?

f#&%ing amatures. 

 
I would call what you were doing, a$$ kissing.  It is always necessary, to some extent, in most jobs.   Some people are really good at it and it is very natural.  Doesn't sound like it is a real natural thing for you to do.  Some people go way overboard on it though.  

I taught school with a guy that was always stroking the administration to try and ingratiate himself to them.  He volunteered for every committee etc.  It was so blatant and easy to see what he was doing.  

I am not very good at it either.  My father wasn't good at it either, that is why he never moved too far up the corporate  ladder.  

 
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I think the line is drawn if you are yourself, but maybe put yourself in a position to be more visible, or if you have an "out of body experience" and behave like someone that you're not.  

It's one thing to go outside your comfort zone to take part in conversations or be somewhere you wouldn't necessarily choose to be - it's another to say things that you don't feel or believe to further your career.  

To me your example sounds like you were professional, and it just wasn't what you'd typically feel comfortable doing.  If you think making small talk with a colleague on your way to the car is smoozing then man, I can't imagine how you'd feel watching a salesperson in action :-) 

 
NM11046 said:
I think the line is drawn if you are yourself, but maybe put yourself in a position to be more visible, or if you have an "out of body experience" and behave like someone that you're not.  

It's one thing to go outside your comfort zone to take part in conversations or be somewhere you wouldn't necessarily choose to be - it's another to say things that you don't feel or believe to further your career.  

To me your example sounds like you were professional, and it just wasn't what you'd typically feel comfortable doing.  If you think making small talk with a colleague on your way to the car is smoozing then man, I can't imagine how you'd feel watching a salesperson in action :-) 
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Moiraine said:
Not sure if I’m using quite the right word.

There’s a team I want to join at work, and I happened to be near the boss when we were walking to our cars. I made small talk with this person for like a straight 15 mins and I felt gross the whole time. I don’t like chit chatting in general but especially not with someone who I want something from. Makes me feel guilty. I also worry I’m annoying the crap out of the person or they see through me.

Maybe this is what it’s like to try to ask a woman out, except with lower stakes. (I know things aren’t as traditional now but I’m sure it’s still men more often who do the asking).
Click to expand...


As someone who manages people, I say make sure the person knows what you would like to do.  It can be done professionally.  One thing that is sometimes tough for a manager is to figure out what people really want to do.  I can name a number of times where an employee expresses interest in something and I sit there thinking...hmmm....I had no idea.  And...they turned out to be really good at where they wanted to go.  

Managers can't read minds.  Professionally express to the person what you are interested in doing.  If they have other plans for this team, fine.  But, at least they know you're interested so that next time, they will know and include you.

 
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