I'm reporting live from LNK, where there seems to be some kind of commotion in the baggage claim area. It appears that hundreds of Husker fans are rioting, causing TSA officials, airport security, and Lincoln Police no end of trouble. As you can see behind me, the SWAT team is decked out in riot gear and is ready to fire tear gas into the crowd. TSA officials report that this must be some kind of terrorist plot to spread Ebola via bombs on airplanes, and they have called for the CIA, DHS, and FBI for support, asked the FAA to suspend all flights into or out of LNK. Officials at Offutt AFB report that fighter jets are prepared to scramble at any moment.
Rumor has it that the reason the Husker fans are rioting is because Jim Tressel, the President of Youngstown State University, did NOT arrive in a private jet, and has not accepted the position as the Head Coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers.
Back to you, Tom.