Coach-
Are you aware that the offense is allowed to advance the ball by running it? blah blah blah. Yes, forward in the direction those five fat guys (that are league mandated to get you up to eleven total players) are facing.....Yes, usually facing.....Yes, but they are allowed to touch defensive players.... *drops Pepsi cup*
Did you know if you gain ten yards in less than 4 plays you get to do it again thus giving your team the opportunity to cross the goal line and score 6 points?
Please tell us what you think the cosmic purpose is of that wide white barrier line in front of the end zone? *blank stare, asks for clarification*....yes, that godforesaken no man’s land located outside the field of play near the ends of the stadium.
What options do you feel there are in the red zone besides punt, kick a field goal, turnover the ball?
When exactly did you receive this league memo that defense was no longer allowed on Saturdays? *gives date and time and specifies it was signed by all other coaches in the conference*